Local Courier Indroduces Suspiciously Brilliant Writing Utensil

Josh Sellers, Co-Editor

While I was disappointed to find my courier was a witch, I am pleased that I was able to free the world of his curse.

I made the discovery on the morning of the day of Mars when I heard a knock on my door. I had readied my sword in the event that I would come face to face with a criminal, but when I opened the door, I saw nothing but a scroll laying at my feet. Upon lifting the scroll, I was disturbed at its weight and texture; it was much lighter than a normal papyrus scroll and very smooth.

I exited my home in search of the courier. He hadn’t made it far, as I could still hear the sound of his horse trotting away. I ran in the direction of the trotting, and I soon saw him. I yelled for him to stop, but my requests were ignored. At this point I was left no choice but to gather my bow and shoot his horse in the leg.

I approached the man, who was now laying on the ground grasping his wrist, which had broken as a result of his descent from the horse.

“What is this witchery?!” I demanded, waving the mysterious scroll over his head.

“A letter!” He told me, his voice quivering in pain.

“Of what is it MADE?!” I persisted, simultaneously slapping him in the head with the document.

“Parchment!” He said. “It’s made of parchment!”

¨Lies!” I refused. “A reed stylus cannot be used on parchment.”

“Have you not heard of the quill? It was discovered that a bird’s feather can absorb ink and be used to write on higher quality material than papyrus,” said the courier.

“Where can I get ahold of one of these wretched feathers?” I asked him, seething with inquisity.

“I will give you mine if you get away from me,” he said.

The courier reached into his satchel and retrieved a rather curious looking feather. I snatched it from his hands and made my way back to my home to perform an analysis of the device.

The feather was clearly resculpted for writing purposes. The afterfeather and the barbs nearest the shaft had been removed, giving the hand a place to hold the utensil. The end of the shaft had been reshaped slightly, likely to allow for a gentle, even flow of ink.

A quill pen, seated in an ink container next to a roll of parchment. The ink will be absorbed by the feather’s shaft, and later deposited onto the parchment in the form of letters or drawings. (CC BY-SA 4.0) – Mushiki Brichta

Writing with the device was very different than writing with a reed pen or inscribing on a clay tablet with a metal stylus. The ink left beautiful, even marks on the page. This had to be the greatest form of writing created to date. What could explain this wonderous idea, I pondered.
“Witchcraft,” I muttered.

I left my home once again, hoping that the courier had yet to find another form of transportation due to the injury of his horse.

Indeed he was sitting in the same spot, and a man had come to his assistance and was tending his wounded wrist.

“This courier is a witch!” I shouted, shoving the inept doctor away.

“A witch?” he speculated. “What brought such an idea upon you?”

“Nothing other than magic or miracle could have resulted in this sort of thing. You are likely incapable of miracle; therefore, you must be a witch,” I told him.

I proceeded to render the man incapable of speaking or escaping my grasp, and started towards the office of the Praetoris in order to put the courier up for arrest. I had successfully protected the empire from a witch.

While it is unlikely that this “quill” will fall into the hands of a peasant at any point in the future, I must issue a warning in the event that it does. This utensil is the result of witchery, so I must suggest that if it is offered for sale by a vendor, it be refused. Though it is excellent for writing, its creation was ungodly, and, as such, it is not fit for use most wholesome of a respectable and pious populace.